Bisexuality

You may wonder if you're normal. You may worry about people finding out. You may avoid other youth that are gay, lesbian or bisexual so that no one will know about you. Working this hard to conceal your thoughts and feelings is called being in the closet. It's not a nice place to be, even if you stay there to survive.

It takes a lot of energy to deny your thoughts and feelings and it can be harmful to you. You may have tried using alcohol or drugs to escape. You may have considered suicide. If so, you're not alone. There are a number of groups and organizations that can help.

People who call themselves bisexual are emotionally and sexually attracted to both men and women. Their thoughts and feelings toward men and women are normal and natural for them. These thoughts and feelings emerge during adolescence and continue into adulthood. You can't tell if someone is gay, lesbian or bisexual unless he or she wants you to know. Bisexual people can blend in with straight people, especially if they're in a straight relationship, but they can still feel isolated in the same ways gays and lesbians do.
Bisexual youth may not be able to specify just why they feel isolated. They don't know where they fit in and they may not be comfortable talking with an adult about it.

How do I know if I'm bisexual?

You may not know what to call your thoughts and feelings. You don't have to label yourself right now. Our sexual identities develop over time. Your thoughts and feelings may be so strong that they're not directed toward particular people or situation, but seem to emerge without cause. As you get older, you'll start to figure yourself out. You may find yourself falling in love with your classmates or maybe developing a crush on a teacher. You may find these experiences pleasurable, troubling, or both. Just feel them. You'll become more comfortable with yourself eventually.

If you think you're bisexual, ask yourself:
● When I dream or fantasize sexually, is it about both men and women?
● Have I ever had a crush or been in love with a man and a woman?
● Do I feel different than my friends because I like both men and women?

If you can't answer these questions now, don't worry. You'll become more aware in time.

As time goes on, more gay, lesbian and bisexual youth are learning to feel better about themselves, especially due to the changes in society in terms of same-sex rights. As you start to acknowledge your deepest thoughts and feelings you'll learn what it means to be bisexual and you'll even start to feel comfortable with your sexuality. This process is called coming out.

The first step to coming out is to tell yourself that you're bisexual. Later, you may want to tell someone else who you trust, like a friend or an adult. You may want to meet other bisexual youth for friendship or an intimate relationship.

Some bisexual youth are able to come out to their families. You're the only one that can decide whether or not to tell your family. Lots of people, including parents, simply don't understand bisexual people.

It's so important to be honest with yourself. Most youth who have accepted their sexuality say they feel happier and more confident. You'll get there too.

So you may be ready to find out more. You can start by searching the Internet for gay, lesbian and bisexual sites, but be cautious about what you disclose online. There may be a toll-free line you can call for information. Lots of places have them. They'll let you talk about your thoughts and feelings, and will direct you to groups and organizations that help gay, lesbian and bisexual people. Also, check out the groups and organizations listed on the back of this pamphlet.

Remember that gay, lesbian and bisexual people are everywhere. Sooner or later you'll find someone who feels some of the same ways you do.

Becoming a healthy sexual person is part of the coming out process. You may be a little overwhelmed at the prospect of having sex. This is normal for everyone. No one should start having sex until they're ready. Until then, you may choose to fantasize and masturbate.
There's a number of different ways to have sex. You can choose from a wide range of sexual practices, including masturbation (either alone or with another person), oral sex, intercourse, kissing, hugging, stroking or anything else that appeals to both partners.

All sexually active people need to be aware of AIDS as well as other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Certain behaviours can put you at risk for contracting HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, as well as other STIs. HIV, genital warts, and genital herpes are incurable, but all STIs are preventable.

Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay and Transgender at Memorial University of Newfoundland
(LBGT-MUN) (709) 864-7619

PFLAG Canada 1-888-530-6777
(A national organization that offers support to families of LBGT people)

Related Organizations

Newfoundland & Labrador AIDS Committee
St. John's 579-8656
Toll-free: 1-800-563-1575
Gander 1-888-271-2437
Corner Brook 1-800-563-1575

Hours:
Monday, Tuesday, & Friday: 9:00-5:00
Wednesday: 12:00-5:00
Thursday 12:00-8:00

Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out Hutchins. (1991). Alyson Publications.

Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality Weinberg, Williams, Pryor. (1995). Oxford University Press.

Free Your Mind: The Book For Gay, Lesbian & Bisexual Youth And Their Allies. Bass, Ellen & Kaufman, Kate. (1996). New York: HarperCollins.

Now That I'm Out, What Do I Do? McNaught, Brian. (1998). Stonewall Inn Editions.