Lesbian

What is a lesbian?

Lesbians are women who are attracted emotionally and sexually to other women. Some lesbians have sexual relationships with men in order to hide their sexual orientation, but this doesn't mean that they're not lesbian.

Statistics indicate that ten percent of the population is lesbian or gay. This means that in any group of people, one or two are lesbian or gay depending on the size of the group.
Despite existing stereotypes, lesbians come from a variety of racial, religious, social and cultural backgrounds and have feminine or masculine characteristics. Because of stereotypical attitudes, lesbian youth may think they have to act a certain way to be a lesbian, but lesbians come in all shapes and sizes, from all occupations, and with all levels of education.

During adolescence, most lesbian youth become aware of their feelings for other girls, some even act on them, while others date boys in order to hide their sexuality from their friends in fear of being teased at school. If you notice that you're attracted to other girls and your friends aren't, it may make you feel different. That feeling will pass in time. It may also make you feel confused about whether or not you're lesbian, but you don't have to decide that right now.

Many people will tell you that you're too young to call yourself a lesbian, or that you're going through a phase, but they don't have enough information to know the difference. Just be sure that you do.

Yes, you're normal! Same-sex attractions are perfectly natural, although discouraged in our society. Many lesbian and gay people deny their feelings due to prejudice against them and remain "in the closet."

Studies show however, that sexual orientation is determined at a very young age, maybe even at birth. It's healthy to be yourself, whether you're gay or straight. What's really important is that you learn to like yourself no matter what.

Coming out is the process of accepting yourself as a lesbian and figuring out how open you want to be about it. Sadly, not everyone you know will accept you. This makes it hard to know who can handle the information and give you support. Some people may accept you. Some people may ignore you or tell other people without your permission. Telling your family can be difficult too. Some families may be supportive, while others may not.
Maybe there's a guidance counsellor or teacher in your school that you can trust. It's important to have someone to talk to because you shouldn't keep your sexuality a secret.

Lesbian couples can pleasure one another in many of the same ways that straight couples can. This can include kissing, hugging, stroking, and stimulating the genitals using tongues, hands, fingers and sex toys.

Deciding whether or not to be sexual with someone is a big decision. You may feel scared at the thought of having sex with another woman. That's normal, especially if it's your first time. However, it's still important to communicate with your partner about whether or not you feel ready to have sex as well as what your needs and expectations are. Also it's important to talk about STIs (sexually transmitted infections), whether you're at risk, and how to protect yourselves.

Everyone should know the facts on HIV, the virus believed to be the cause of AIDS and how it's transmitted as well as how you can prevent yourself from becoming infected. You and your partner should discuss your risk factors for HIV and other common sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and decide what, safer sex methods you should use.

Lesbians who are at risk are those who:
● Share needles if using IV drugs.
● Have vaginal intercourse with men without using condoms.
● Have oral sex with an infected woman without the use of a barrier to protect against
infected vaginal secretions or menstrual blood.
● Share sex toys without using condoms.

● Use of a dental dam for oral-vaginal and oral-anal
    stimulation. A dental dam is a square piece of latex that is used as a barrier
    between the mouth and genitals. They're available at pharmacies, sexual health
    stores, and the Newfoundland and Labrador Sexual Health Centre (Planned
    Parenthood). If you can't find dental dams, you can use non-lubricated or flavoured
    condoms by cutting off the tip and cutting up one side.

● Use of surgical gloves when inserting your fingers into your partner's vagina or
    anus, especially if you have tiny cuts or rashes on your hands. Condoms can also
    be used to cover your fingers.

Developing a healthy self-esteem is important for young people, especially for lesbian youth. It's hard for lesbian youth to feel good about themselves because some people believe that homosexuality is wrong. This type of attitude can force lesbian youth to hide their sexuality and it may make them think about hurting themselves through alcohol, drugs or suicide. Lesbian youth may also feel isolated, fearful, and depressed, especially if they have no one to talk to about their sexuality.

It's important for lesbian youth to make connections in the lesbian community. This could include joining lesbian and gay groups for support and contacting lesbian and gay organizations for information. Meeting other lesbians and reading materials on sexuality can help young lesbians feel better about themselves and enable them to understand their sexual orientation.

Make contact with the lesbian community. One way you can do this is through the Internet. However, it's important to point out that although the Internet can be a safe and convenient way to meet people, it can still be dangerous and you should therefore be cautious about what you disclose. Also, many colleges and universities have support groups. Usually these groups are open to the public and are not just for students. Finally, you can contact the groups and organizations listed on the back of this pamphlet.

Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay and Transgender at Memorial University of Newfoundland
(LBGT-MUN) 864-7619

PFLAG Canada 1-888-530-6777
(A national organization that offers support to families of LBGT people)

Related Organizations

Newfoundland & Labrador AIDS Committee
St. John's 579-8656
Toll-free: 1-800-563-1575
Gander 1-888-271-2437
Corner Brook 1-800-563-1575

Hours:
Monday & Friday: 9:00-5:00
Wednesday: 12:00-5:00
Tuesday & Thursday: 12:00-8:00

Free Your Mind: The Book for Gay, Lesbian & Bisexual Youth--And Their Allies, Bass, Ellen & Kaufman, Kate. (1996). New York: HarperCollins

Is It a Choice: Answers to 300 of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gays and Lesbians. Marcus, Eric (1993). San Francisco: Harper Collins.

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for all of Us. Newman, Felice (2004). Cleis Press.

Two Teenagers in Twenty: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth. ed. Ann Heron, Alyson Publications, 40 Plympton St., Boston, MA 02118 (1994).